My Thoughts are NOT Your Thoughts!

Have you ever had those days (or maybe weeks or even months) where you feel like you are down in the pits? I know I have, this past fall had been one of those times, well actually it had been MANY months (to be completely transparent) and I had had some harder days that just didn't seem to relent, many stressors all at once and SO much stuff within me coming up to work through! I was absolutely overwhelmed! I went on a walk, I knew I needed that, it is a favorite thing I love to do with Jesus. As I was walking, I saw a leaf that had caught my attention, I picked it up and was admiring it. Immediately, I felt the Lord begin to speak to me, “Look at this leaf, it is just like you!” If I am honest, this totally caught me off guard and I was not impressed with this idea. He went on to say... "It is beautiful, full of many colors, it is unique in shape and size, it is whole and complete because I made the leaf, just like I made YOU in my own image! My ideas and thoughts began to quickly shift as I began to warm up to the profoundly different viewpoint and higher perspective being offered.

I then felt the Lord ask the question, “Do you see the dark part, isn’t it beautiful, almost in the shape of a heart?!” The Lord surely has a sense of humor as He knew what I was thinking about the dark spot! He continued to share His thoughts about me. I love the places you see as dark that you don’t like about yourself, whether it is your old sin, your mistakes, the things that were done to you or maybe it's old or new thoughts or the places you feel ugly. It is time to quit judging yourself and focusing on the darkness! Would you zoom out the lens and look at the beautiful YOU in its entirety? Can’t you see how much more beautiful the whole leaf is including the dark spot and the beautiful contrast being woven together? And would you be willing to trust me with the part(s) of yourself you are still learning to love? I love ALL of you and am transforming you more than you know!

 

He asked another question, “Do you see the Light shining through the dark part?” My Light and Glory are shining through, the light shines brightest in the dark places within you too, especially as you look to me and trust me with your “dark places!” Those places of darkness where the Light is shining through, it radiates even brighter and it not only is and will continue to change you, it will be the places that your story and testimony will profoundly transform others in my perfect timing! Your story is part of My story, I SEE your “darkness” as glorious and filled with light!! My Light shines brightest in the darkest places and My Light always transforms, even if it takes time and is a process, I love this journey WITH you, My Daughter!! 

The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it. 

~John 1:5

...Rightly do they love you. I am dark, but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem.

~ Songs of Songs 1:4b-5a

Tension... in the waiting!!!

 

Today is Saturday, the day between Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday! Most likely the hardest day EVER for the disciples who walked with Jesus! They were living in the greatest tension and confusion, the in between… the waiting… the transition… 

the NOT YET!!

It reminds me of the earth bound caterpillar who has made its way to the DARK cocoon, 

there is NO way out, NO light and all the while there is NO form… 

yet… just mush!!!

Little caterpillar wait ‘til Sunday… 

it is your day of NEW LIFE! A day where ALL things are made NEW… 

you will burst forth and see radiant LIGHT! 

You will never look or be the same EVER again!

You will have a NEW higher perspective, beautiful butterfly, 

it is time to flit and playfully flutter… 

it's your time to SOAR!!! 

You have resurrected out of the darkness by the one who conquered death and the grave! 

His name is Jesus Christ! 

And now…

You never have to go back to your old earth bound self, little butterfly 

it is your time to flit and playfully flutter, 

it’s your time to SOAR!!!

Home

This season, I have been pondering the meaning of home and what does it actually mean to me. I often get asked the question, “where is home?" or "where are you from?" Having traveled and lived several places, this has became more difficult to answer and sometimes I have questioned myself asking, where do I actually belong? Of course, I am so beyond thankful to have a bed, a warm house and many luxuries I did not earn or deserve as I have seen homes that looked like a mangled shack or even worse, they have NO place to go!

 

As I consider the true meaning, home is NOT about me at all! It is about a Person far superior whose arms are open wide longing and waiting for those He loves to come HOME to Him!! His love is endless and immeasurable; He gave His precious blood for ALL. He is patient, He is slow to anger, He loves with NO agenda and He not only knows your name, He knows your deepest heart longings even what makes you giggle!

 

His name is Jesus and He is my HOME! I am so grateful to have a place to REST my head no matter where I am, He is the only place that is safe, secure and never wavering is in the arms of Jesus or in the crook of His neck!! Jesus came as a poor child born in a lowly manger, having NO place to rest or lay His head! He came willingly and gave everything He had so that we could NO longer say we do not have a home or a place to REST, even if we have NO physical place to go, we could still REST in Him and our assured belonging to Him for all of eternity!

 

Jesus is our REST, our hiding place, our shelter, our strong tower, our refuge from the storm, our rock, the lifter of our head and our dwelling place!!

His Wings are Greater than the Storms of Life

I have the privilege of looking out at nature everyday where I live and hearing the songs of praise from a variety of birds, the croaking frogs and hooting owls at night. I see the monkeys running around, climbing the trees to grab the latest fruit growing and swinging from tree to tree on occasion, this warms my heart experiencing such incredible creation around me! Just to make things interesting, I also have a very active beehive in the corner of my house outside, so I see a swarm of bees out my window and can feel the buzz in my house sometimes when the hive is very active.

The Lord speaks to me very often in nature and yet it occurs the most frequently through birds! Currently, there is this beautiful monogamous bird called the violet backed starling, which I first saw about a year ago and once again, I am seeing it in my backyard this year (different place) and even where we are raising our beautiful children also. The male happens to be my favorite color too!!
I discovered that behind my house there are 2 old wooden fence posts and two sets of these bird pairs had laid eggs inside of them about two feet below. One currently has three unhatched eggs, I often see the mom bird sitting on the eggs, while the other had 3 eggs hatched, although there are only two remaining. Each day I have watched as the birds are growing, no feathers yet. I was thinking how beautifully committed these parents are as I watch them both swoop onto the wooden post, then go 2 feet below to feed the babies. I was also thinking what a big feat it will be for the babies as their first independent task will be to climb 2 feet up the pole to experience a whole new landscape and life ahead of them.
Recently, we have also had much rain, which is a huge blessing in our drought conditions and I was wondering how these little ones are alive when we have had the storms with serious down-pouring rain?! So, as it was raining, not extremely hard, I thought I would go and take a peek at these baby birds. The scene I saw still brings me to tears…

Mama bird

The mama bird was nesting on top of them with her one wing spread out so wide there was not even a tiny crack of space for the birds to get wet. Wow!!! I really needed to see that!! Have you ever felt like you were helpless and so dependent, needing so much to be protected, kept warm and even at times fed? The only effort these little birds make is to open their mouths and receive the goodness of food being placed in their mouth, otherwise, there is not a care in the world, their parents have got them!

This picture was exactly what God wanted to remind me of, if this mama bird does this for her babies, how much more does Papa God do this for us, he feeds the birds of the air, how

much more as His sons and daughters will He care for us? All I get to do is choose to gaze at Him, trusting He is enough and receive His goodness and love!

I could picture myself as one of these sweet little dependent birds, which so reminded of Psalms 91! Imagine yourself there, under the shadow of the Almighty who safely protects you, these are only a few of the promises He makes to us:

“His massive arms are wrapped around you, protecting you. You are hidden in the strength of God Most High. His arms of faithfulness are a shield keeping you from harm. When we live our lives within the shadow of the God Most high, our secret Hiding Place, we will always be shielded from harm. Because you have delighted in me as my great lover, I will greatly protect you. I will set you in a high place, safe and secure before my face! I will answer your cry for help everytime you pray, and you will find and feel my presence. Even in your time of pressure and trouble. I will be your glorious Hero and give you a feast! You will be satisfied with a full life and with all that I do for you. For you will enjoy the fullness of my salvation”

REST

In my first year of serving long-term in South Africa, this theme of rest was a thread that the Lord weaved throughout my year. It was actually forced upon me for lack of better words and I wouldn’t say it was easy, yet I am so thankful for the lessons. 

In Psalm 23, it says, He makes you lie down in green pastures. That is the interesting thing, it isn't an invitation or a suggestion to rest, it is actually a direct command from the Lord!! It is clear then, that we are all called to rest, I believe this concept of rest is often misunderstood. This is not permission to be lazy nor is it an inactive waiting upon God before we do anything or make a move, it is a call to actively know Him deeper and trust that His ways are indeed far surpassing of our ways and thoughts! I believe it is a necessary part of our journey, even God chose to rest after creating for 6 days, He didn’t need to, yet He modeled this. I believe far more for our benefit knowing that it would not only be good, but necessary for us! 

After three weeks in Africa, I was hospitalized for the first time in my life with appendicitis, then, I had a herniated disc in my back needing to lie down a majority of the time (limiting car rides, long walks, etc…) for about a month and a half, then I ended my year with 3 months of quite intense diarrhea, which again forced me to lie down especially for the final 5 weeks. My prayer at the end was, Lord, let me get the lesson you have for me, so we don’t do this again. As I write this, I am just remembering some of the lessons that He showed me and after a busy time in the states, I am needing to remind myself yet again of these powerful Truths!! 

He taught me that Rest is something that is actually available at ALL times, no matter what is happening around me! Whether there are conflicts going on, intense pain in my body, a possible serious diagnosis at hand, lack of sleep for days or all of the above, it is a place where I can trust knowing that I can’t change a circumstance, yet I can believe and trust that He is greater and rest in Him and His promises! It is an invitation of deeper intimacy with Jesus that is available to know Him even more profoundly! I can’t even take credit for my ability to rest in Him, it is by His grace and constantly choosing His ways, knowing my weakness is His strength and declaring His promises that allows me to REST in Him!

It is in this very place of surrendering the doing to let Him do in me what He has in store knowing that it is far greater than my weak efforts! He isn't interested in maintaining a status quo with me, He wants me to actually BE with Him! During this time He taught me of His supernatural Grace and Strength for His plans. He had already spoken to me that I would begin to sing again for Him, He opened the door to worship with a team while I was still physically so weak. Yet, He gave me incredible strength! There was some chaos and drama going on in our children’s village and He allowed me to help be part of His solutions to find the peace in some of the hearts and storms around our family that were happening. In a time where energy for the simplest of tasks like showering or cooking food for myself was sometimes too much, He graced me with His energy and strength for His greater plans and purposes. His ways are always better, higher and different than our ways!

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I wrote the above about a year and a half ago, this is so pertinent for me today.

Currently, I have been here in South Africa long term for 3 years and again, this topic of REST has come full circle AGAIN in a more forced upon me way!!! ;)  It is clearly so important to the Lord, actually, the Lord put this topic on my heart to study nearly two months ago (about a week and a half) before this sickness came upon me. How sweet of Him to give me a heads up... Of course, I didn't know I was about to enter yet again into an intimate and very intense experience of resting!!

I have diarrhea again now for over 5 weeks and a fever for over 3 weeks, been lots of waiting with many inconclusive tests and too many doctor appointments!! Yet, the Lord has told me that I will be healed and I stand on that Truth in His perfect timing (NOT mine), and while He didn’t cause the sickness, He allowed it… And the beautiful consequence… REST in Him! I get yet another opportunity to sit by His still waters, drink and eat from His table and enjoy the beautiful rich green and luscious pastures around me!

And when we REST, the Father gives an incredible invitation
to come higher and see things from His perspective!

There is nothing more LOVELY than YOU!!

Living outside of America for a while now, I am a little more oblivious and unaware of the Hallmark holidays such as today, which is Valentine's Day! Wishing everyone a day to encounter LOVE no matter what your life story looks like!
I have been thinking about those like myself who don't really have a "relational love" in your life currently or maybe you do, yet, you don't know how lovely you are! I want to encourage you that YOU are enough and you have someone championing you and in LOVE with you who will never fail you! He is your Creator and He calls you His rose! Perhaps all you wanted was flowers or to be shown love on this day, it is so understandable to desire feeling valued and seen by someone. Yet, Jesus says, He sees you, He is with you and YOU are the flower, you are His rose!! You are far sweeter than any chocolate could ever taste!

Song of Songs 2:1 says about you:
I am truly his rose, the very theme of his song. I am overshadowed by his love, growing in the valley.
A couple weeks ago, I was really struggling and if I am honest, I still am, it has been a challenging season for me! That morning, I was at our weekly prayer and worship time and I gazed out into the field, enjoying the beauty of His creation, singing to Him, the one who made ALL things and thought of me before the foundation of the world! I looked out amongst a beautiful field with grasses, trees and small light purple flowers, there was one stunning orange flower standing tall and vibrant among the rest! I felt the Lord so clearly highlighting that flower and showing me that that is me, that is how He made me! I was moved to tears at the beauty of what He was showing me.
I want to encourage you today that you also are that stunning and vibrant flower, you stand tall and above the rest, not because of what you do, but because of who you ARE and whose you are!! You are brilliant, you are beautiful, you are stunning and shine just by being/resting in who you are and nobody can take that away from you nor enhance the wonder of YOU as His beautiful creation! You will and always be LOVED with an unconditional love by the one who knows you inside and out!

The Tables were Turned

On Mother’s Day, we were so blown away by the Beautiful honor and love our children showed us Mamas! It was a special day indeed; some of our older girls had stayed home from church, claiming to be too tired to go to church! ;) It was during church, 2 of us missionaries got notice that we needed to have an emergency family meeting and EVERYONE needed to come straight home after church.

 It was this kind of emergency that called us home:

The table was set with beautiful flowers around each of the plated dishes of an incredibly delicious meal to honor and feed each one of us on this special day!! A meal made by our children’s hands and served with LOVE! There was a vase with freshly picked flowers and a Happy Mother’s Day sign posted on the wall and on the table was a card with personal written notes to each of us!

 It is this kind of moment, when you realize that Jesus is at work in such a mighty way and that we have the incredible privilege to be apart of something so powerful and life changing; that the children would initiate turning the tables and pouring into those of us who have laid down our lives to serve Jesus and raise the future leaders and world changers of South Africa and the Nations!!

Local Mamas Gain Eternal Fame

Here at Michaels Children’s Village, we are quite filled to the brim at the moment with our family goings on and needs; many of our older girls have activities to attend to requiring transport, tutoring in addition, including emotional support that require much patience and love. We are a small team of volunteers and yet, somehow, there always seems to be enough!! Don’t get me wrong, the to do list continues to be long as it goes beyond children’s needs as there are things to be fixed, parts to buy, emails to return, paperwork with deadlines and the list could go on. There are surely days that you go to sleep very exhausted not even remembering what you had done, yet we press on.

Our newest addition to the family!

In our family homes, currently all three of our mamas have at least 8 children in their house (all have at least one toddler, one of them has 2, one has 4 babes/toddlers!!!!). About two weeks ago, we got a call that there were two children, a 6 year old and a 1+ year old child that would both end up on the streets as there was nowhere for them to go, both emergency cases. Our mamas heard this, prayed and without hesitation said, YES!!!
Like I said, with natural eyes, we are very FULL and the needs of our children and small base can at times seem endless, yet in this upside-down backwards Kingdom, the Jesus from within our mamas said, YES!! Only Jesus can give us His eternal perspective and eyes to view circumstances and situations! And with complete trust that if Jesus said YES to them, then He will ensure that we have enough GRACE, LOVE, ENERGY, JOY… for each of our children. As I got the news from our mamas, I was moved to tears. If I am really honest at that moment, I would not have come up with the same answer they did. I am reminded yet again, I get to work with heroes and I get to call them Family. They may never be famous here on earth nor may their names ever leave South Africa or even our province of Mpumalanga for that matter. However, in eternity, in the only place where fame is forever, these mamas are famous and their stories are being recorded in the book of life!

Their eternal rewards will be rich then, but for now, they give tireless hours, waking very early, changing diapers, cooking, soothing crying babies, tending to siblings arguing or waking at night to care for a sick child! They are looking after our children, the ones that will become world changers, they will be leaders in the next generation and forever change South Africa and the world!!

Chosen

There are days in our lives that are etched in stone in our memories or rather perhaps written on our hearts in permanent ink.  On Mother’s Day, May 8^th 2016 was one of those days for me! Many of our children at MCV (Michaels Children’s Village) shouted “Happy Mother’s day, Mama Comella,” I have been wished this before by family in regards to my nieces/nephews and the role I have played in their lives, but never by so many children in their beautiful childlike voices… It was such a heartwarming, yet surreal moment for me! The reality of it all, these wonderful children saying this to me, it was a dream becoming true!

As a child, about 4 years old or so, I told my mom that I was going to adopt children when I was older and that they would be from Africa. Now, 33 years later, twenty children call me Mama Comella and were wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day! There was one girl in particular, she is 12 years old, who I am very close to, she told me 3 times that day, “Happy Mother’s Day!” After the third time, she came and sat by me as she said it and then she said something that has forever changed my life. She said, “You are my Mama!” Tears welled up in my eyes, I wanted to just weep in joy right there, but I contained myself so I didn’t seem over-dramatic, I was so moved and I did weep later!

It is one thing to have a dream of adopting children, which truly has been on my heart nearly my whole life. However, there is something radically different and impactful when a child chooses you! Truly, I had no words at that moment! We sat together, she was sitting on my lap. I did pull out my phone and suggest that we take a selfie of my Daughter on Mother’s Day! She giggled and agreed!

I don’t know if I will ever adopt in the natural legal sense or if it will be only in the spiritual sense. It really doesn’t matter to me, each child that I am with is adopted by Father God and I am called to LOVE them and Mother them as He would!  But I do know one thing, that she adopted me, I have chosen by her! It is the most humbling, yet honoring thing I believe has ever happened to me.

It reminds me of the scripture in Ephesians 1:5

For it was always in His perfect plan to adopt us as His delightful children, so that His tremendous grace that cascades over us would bring Him glory—for the same love he has for His Beloved One, Jesus, He has for us!!

We are chosen by Father God, just like my beautiful daughter chose me! He chose us before we knew how to love, make good choices and He knew we would reject Him, nevertheless, He chose us anyway adopting us into His Kingdom Family!! The thing that amazes me the most about this little girl choosing me is that she has known me for about a year; she has seen my faults, the ways I haven’t loved as well as I could have and yet, she still chose me! It is only the LOVE of Jesus in someone that can look beyond all or our superficial ways, our mistakes (no matter how big or small it is still the same to God) and see a heart that longs and desires to love! That is what this beautiful girl did for me, she looked beyond my flaws and wrongdoings and saw my heart with the eyes of a loving adopted Father since He lives in her as well! May I encourage you today that you BELONG, you are ADOPTED and radically LOVED by a Father in heaven who doesn’t condemn you, but loves you! He sent His Son, Jesus in our place because you are invaluable to Him and He CHOSE you knowing the mistakes you have already made, you are currently making and will make in your future and He says, you are Forgiven, it is PAID IN FULL by Jesus!! I choose you, receive my Love today!

Faith Looks Unusual at Times

I have wondered sometimes what does it look like to have a mustard seed of faith? It says in the Bible that it is impossible to please God without faith (Hebrews 11:6). If Sarah, Abraham’s wife, laughed when God told her she would have a child and she was noted as a women of incredible faith in the Bible, I realize my definition of faith is far different than God’s. In Hebrews 11:11, it says:

Sarah’s faith embraced the miracle power to conceive even though she was barren and she was past the age of childbearing, for the authority of her faith rested in the One who made the promise, and she tapped into her faithfulness.

My question is, what does a mustard seed look like from God’s perspective?

The funny thing is that when you pray for God to increase your gift of faith, it is a dangerous prayer, yet a valuable prayer! I don’t know if Sarah prayed that prayer and yet look how long she waited for a child, over 90 years!! I have prayed that prayer! And if I am honest, I know in my life, some of the situations that built my faith the most, I wasn’t thanking God for the circumstances while I was in the midst of the struggle! It was only in hindsight that I could see the strengthening of my character, faith and many other valuable life lessons.

On the other hand, sometimes we learn about faith in the most unusual circumstances that can be quite surprising! I was at the hospital in the mentally ill ward. I don’t like the term ‘mentally ill’, so let’s call it a place where people don’t know their identity yet!! Anyway, I met this lady who introduced herself and said she was a white sangoma! A sangoma is a term in South Africa used to describe a witchdoctor. I had visited with her a prayed with her several times in the hospital, yet one day was quite memorable. I asked her if she had pain, she said yes, in her sinuses and lungs. She also mentioned that something was the matter with her heart. I asked her if I could pray from her, she agreed. She said you can pray, but don’t touch the cigarettes (I could smell the smoke ruminating from her clothes)! I told her that if I prayed for her cigarettes, she would encounter a love from Jesus that would be far better than smoking cigarettes. She said, “You can pray for anything else, but not the cigarettes, they have been my joy since I was three years old”.

We honored her request, praying a blessing over her and for her sinuses and heart to be healed, she said her sinuses were feeling better! However, what struck me is this women’s faith, before I even mentioned smoking, she knew that she could be healed of her cigarette addiction! Wow, this is incredible faith and in fact greater than my faith in my early years as a believer! To be honest, I am not sure she knew Jesus as she said she was a witchdoctor, yet her FAITH was profound! Every time I encountered her, I loved on her, prayed for her and one day as I hugged her, she wept in my arms. I do know Jesus was working in her heart and I believe He will continue to encounter her. This women blessed me and challenged my faith and now has me on a quest for more than a mustard seed of faith!

Love Invades the Hospital

It has been so incredible in the last six months to watch what the Lord continues to do at our local hospital that we visit 1 – 2 times per week. It is one of our greatest JOYS to go there to love on the people and babies! We usually have one or more of our older girls who go with us from MCV. It has been beautiful to watch one of our girl’s heart of compassion and confidence grow as she prays for the sick and broken. Last week, she confidently shared a couple of scripture verses with the mamas caring for their sick babies.

A desire and heartthrob of our hospital ministry is to love on the babies who don’t have any visitors due to being abandoned, parent’s passing away or very ill. We declare the goodness of Jesus over each one of them proclaiming that they are adopted, healed and loved with an everlasting love. We also lay hands and pray for as many babies as we can believing they will be fully healed and walk in their fullness. Aside from the babies, different wards continue to open up to us within this very big public hospital, recently, nurses have directed us to different wards for us to pray in. Slowly, bit by bit, we are covering the whole hospital which was a dream of ours! Our long-term dream is that we come with big teams and scatter in small groups covering the entire hospital.

We have many testimonies of Jesus healing and touching those we prayed for and His love continues to be expressed as we continue to pray for those that are in front of us.

*We prayed for a beautiful mom who had a sick child. We asked her if there was something we could pray for her and she said yes, her eye. She could only partially see out of one eye and after praying, she said her eye was fine, she could see again!! Hallelujah!

*We visited the psych ward several times. We have had 2 women give their lives to the Lord. Wow, so beautiful!

*We recently heard of an incredible testimony from one of the nurses. We prayed for a baby in ICU not knowing that she needed to be transferred for urgent surgery either later that day or the next day. The doctor came in one more time to examine her before she went in for the surgery. The doctor said that it was a miracle, the baby did not need to go for surgery and she was removed from ICU. :)

We are so blessed to get to be the hands and feet, it reminds me of this scripture:

God always blesses those who are kind to the poor and helpless. They’re the first ones God helps when they find themselves in any trouble. ~ Psalm 41:1

This week, while praying for those who are stuck in a bed or a crib for often many months or longer clearly very ill or bed ridden; I am continually moved by the ones who light up with joy beyond reason when we pray for them! I know that is only the hand of a loving God who has implanted a strength of joy in them that causes their faith to be unshakable in their circumstances! Wow!

As I left the hospital today, I came across this butterfly in the corner of a window.

May we be a people that finds the hidden treasures and joy in all circumstances and in people no matter what the cost!! Amen!

What is a Honeymoon Anyway?

I have been in South Africa for 10 weeks now… I wouldn’t change any part of my time here thus far! Well, there are a few mistakes that I made that would be great to redo and I will get a chance to do that! =) I know that there is grace in mistakes and that I can learn from my mistakes, so even those are a gift and I do get to redo them when I learn from my mistakes and apply what I learned the next time! Such redemption!!!

I would be lying if I said it has been a walk in the park… Truly, though, the Faithfulness of Jesus and His goodness has overshadowed every challenging thing that has come my way! I have heard several times, “Enjoy this time right now, it is your honeymoon!” or “You are just in your honeymoon phase!” My question is what is a honeymoon? I know what Hollywood says… That it is all roses and rainbows filled with walks on a sandy beach, happiness galore and incredible places to dine! 

As nice is that sounds, that surely isn’t my definition of a honeymoon! Those things can most definitely be included in a honeymoon and I know incredible moments and times will happen, but what about awkward silences or talking over each other, even interrupting each other in the midst of dialogue or stepping on each others toes literally as you learn to dance together? Or what about the first moment you realize that the way you wanted to spend your honeymoon with no plan and the other person desperately wants to plan out every moment of the day or the moment that you want to relax and be served for dinner and the other wants you to cook a meal (expectations) and that leads to your first conflict…

This is ALL possible indeed! And there was a time in my life that the latter stuff would have terrified me, conflict used to terrify me, but now, I see it is a gift, arguing isn’t the point, but a conflict is an opportunity and invitation to grow! In the midst of conflict, we have an opportunity to seek understanding acknowledging differences rather than pursuing right or wrong! We also can learn how to love and celebrate our differences as a beautiful thing, including many other gifts such as laying down your preference for another, compromising for the greater good or agreeing to disagree and being okay with that!

So, again, I ask, what is a honeymoon to you? Maybe I should ask people when they tell me that I am in my honeymoon season and to enjoy it, what are they actually trying to say? I know that we as humans are guilty of idealizing things so easily and the media/Hollywood are for sure apart of the problem, but I have seen too many struggles that people have and I myself have had to idealize that me stepping into the next steps of my destiny was going to be pristine and beautiful without any blemish or thorns!! It would be like me seeing the rose in front of me without its thorns or seeing the rainbow without having the downpour of rain! Don’t get me wrong, I am totally guilty at moments of this thinking, but I am telling you, it is not true and we don’t have to be blindsided or worry when struggles or difficulties come! It is a FULL package and the rose is beautiful with the thorns! He wants to meet us in our struggle when the thorns of life come or the rain that feels like we are about to be washed away. The Father isn’t worried, pacing the floor or biting His nails when mistakes or messy things happen or we caused messy things to ourselves and others, however, He is waiting to see if we will turn our gaze towards Him!

Surely, there is a glimmer in the New, it is AWESOME here and I see the beauty in the people I meet, the staff I get to work alongside and the beautiful children that I get to hold and interact with here! I also see the challenges and the imperfections both in myself and others, but I choose not to focus on that! I know there is mundane in life and that it will be my job to steward the beauty in the mundane even when I don’t see or feel changes are happening. Of course the mundane moments will come, but if I can STAY the course and pursue the One that is worthy and gaze into His face, He will continue to reveal the beauty that He made ALL around me in the faces I see, in the nature and animals that He created, in the sunrises and sunsets that He paints daily for my enjoyment!! It is actually difficult for me to NOT see the Newness of Him each day as I look around me!

Since I have been here, many things have happened! It has been a fight with my physical body pretty much non-stop! In fact, the first two months here, I had just as many sleepless nights as nights I slept, due to adrenalin excitement when I first got here and then intense pain that would wake me up and keep me awake in the night! I am sleeping now through the night, Hallelujah! =) As most of you know, I had more than a month straight of pain from my appendix, I was hospitalized for 3 nights nearly facing surgery to get my appendix removed, thank the Lord that I was healed and didn’t have to have surgery! I spent days, even weeks where a good part or all of my day was spent in bed with minimal social outlets (if you know me, you know that that is hard!!). I have had several bouts of diarrhea including food poisoning recently. About 3 weeks before I arrived in early August, my lower back was so bad that I couldn’t walk, I have had back pain on and off and am still dealing with that, it seems that I have a pinched nerve and currently, it sends shooting pains down my right leg when I move it in a funky way or ride in a bumpy road or even sometimes when I am walking. I KNOW I AM HEALED, IT WAS FINISHED ON THE CROSS!! There is no doubt in my mind about that, I know there is a little enemy who wants me to be discouraged, but I know the Victor, Jesus and His spirit lives inside of me! I also am living with 3 roommates, who are amazing and lovely, we are learning how to live life together intimately and certainly run into our own bumps as we are still getting to know each other and what it looks like to Love each other best in intimate community! Also, I found out a week ago by reading my brother’s post on FaceBook that my 93 year-old grandpa passed away! Only now am I beginning to grieve the fact that a loved one is gone and I am across the world without my family and pondering the preciousness of each of our lives and am reminded of beholding the beauty of each breathe and moment we have!

I don’t say any of this for a pity party, I am Blessed beyond belief and I have the JOY of the Lord and it IS indeed my strength! This is my honeymoon and it has been an incredible journey! I could tell you WAY more testimonies of His goodness than my list of challenges since I have been here, it is overwhelming what He has done in 10 weeks! Seriously, I couldn’t have orchestrated it if I tried! I have so many beautiful relationships, I truly feel at home here and that I have a family that I am apart of! Some of the girls in our family are struggling and I have gotten to build relationships with them and pour out His love and connect to them in unique ways and allow them to just talk and feel heard and understood!

He has opened the door for me to go to the hospital (a desire that was on my heart for several years now) and pray for people and bring some of our older girls and watch them love on the next generation as they hold little babies! It melts my heart each week we go to see the girls love on them!
The Lord has provided the financing for a car (through a generous family that said YES to Him) and He provided the perfect car, which I didn’t even go looking for!! This allows me much more freedom as we live in a rural area where a car is necessary to engage in the greater community. The testimonies go on and on…

There is nothing more Amazing than doing what you were made to do and at the moment, I know that I am walking out what I was called to do! I LOVE my life, even the challenges and hard days have given me profound gifts! This is only the honeymoon of what is yet to come and I am expectant for more! A honeymoon is just the beginning of a journey, it is a starting point with beautiful Newness and toes being stepped on as you don’t know what you don’t know when you begin the New; it will be filled with excitement and mistakes, all of this is beautiful and is part of journey!!

A Day in My Life...

One of the interesting and exciting things about living in South Africa is we are Blessed with many resources and it feels first world at times! However, at any point, you never know when it will feel and turn 3rd world. South Africa is this amazing place that has some infrastructure especially in the cities and yet, you may encounter a very 3rd world feeling within the cities and often, the minute you go rural, it feels like you are in 3rd world Africa (like we imagine and see on the TV), lots of red dirt and many people living in tiny tiny house with or without roofs and people lacking food and sleeping on the ground.

I know many of you might wonder what my days look like, it is very difficult to say as everyday looks totally different, so I thought I would give you the play by play of one of my days here. Sunrise is about 5:30 in the morning, I often wake up between 5-6ish. I love to read my Bible, pray in the morning, sometimes listen to music, then make tea and eat breakfast. This particular day, I had some admin work to do on the business plan for the upcoming year. So, I went to the admin office to work on that. Then, a social worker showed up to do his monthly check in and review our files on the kids and make sure things are up to snuff. So, I got trained on what that looks like, he basically asks the same questions each month and makes sure he is up to date!

After he left, Teisa, my base director and I decided to head to a nice cafe to do our admin work while enjoying a smoothie, so that is what we did! We thought we would spend a couple hours there. However after an hour I got a message that a boy, let's call him, Peter, a 16 year old, who has been very sick at the hospital was released. I had visited him and prayed with him a couple times at the hospital. So, we agreed to pick Peter up, this was at 11 in the morning. No problem,  so we leave right away and head to the hospital. When we get there, we find out that he is at the hospital pharmacy getting his medicine. He was in a line for who knows how long, it is a public hospital, so it is free, but that means that they can wait up to 6 hours to get their medicine. After he gets his medicine, he must go back to his hospital room to get discharge papers and more specifics on after care. Clearly, we didn't need to rush to the hospital, but we were thinking in our western mindset. So, I gave him my phone number and told him to call me when he was ready and that I would come and get him.

Teisa and I then headed to her house to relieve her babysitter for her daughter, we then went to town to do a few errands buying stuff for our base and to get a few things to welcome back a missionary that had been gone for a month! =) I also picked up some snacks and a requested favorite food for Peter. It was then that I got the call that he was ready to be picked up around 2 pm. Teisa dropped me off so I could get the truck to pick him up. It was then that my pain started as the whole appendix thing was still bothering me. At this moment, I haven't had pain for 2 days, but it has been quite a month of dealing with my appendix and pain! I was ready to lay down for a rest! So, we prayed for GRACE and I went on my way to pick him up.

Oh, I was supposed to start something new this afternoon called "Music and Movement" with our children, incorporating singing, dancing and just a fun time to move your body. However, this will now start next week since this important matter came up of picking up Peter at the hospital.

When I got there, it was about 3:15 pm, the nurse went through his medicine with me, he literally had 7 kinds of medicine, keep in mind he is very sick and looks incredibly skinny and really is in no place to be tracking all this stuff! He lives with his granny and 5 siblings, they sleep on the floor in their little place. The medicine was overwhelming, some twice a day, some once a day, some with food and another must be before food! So, I began to draw pictures on each of the medicines to help him keep track of it all. I was ready to take him home and he just sat in the hospital room (there are 4 other men in the hospital room as well), one guy was naked, I didn't mean to look as I didn't know he was naked!! Oops! Anyway, Peter just sat there. When I asked if we should go, he said, no, my granny is coming. I was confused as he knew I would take him home. I asked more questions and he said he doesn't have pants and has to wait for his granny to bring pants. I was sure that he could just wear his hospital scrubs and then I could bring them back. So, I went and asked the nurse if I could take him home and bring back the pants. She said, no, the security at the gate will not allow us to leave if he has the pants on.

Sooooo... we wait for his granny to bring him pants. While waiting, I am messaging our team that have been praying for him and visiting him in the hospital keeping them up to date on the discharge, the meds he has to take, etc... We are also arranging to bring mattresses to his house, so Peter and the children will not have to sleep on the floor. We don't know if there will be room for them or not though. We sit outside enjoying the fresh air, we chat a bit, I give him some snacks and the food I brought him. Peter's native tongue is South African Saswati, this language comes out of Swaziland, but also mixes Africaans (kinds of close to Dutch) words as well. He speaks some English, I have to speak slowly and very simple English. Over the next few hours, Peter calls her several times and she says she is looking for a car, so I wait with him at the hospital. His granny arrives around dusk, it is about 5:40 pm. She thanks me several times, so happy and thankful that I was with him, she hugs me at least 3 times as well. It was great to meet her, I confirm that I will visit them soon and then I drive home.

I was thankful to have grace for this extended adventure. Needless to say, I was exhausted when I got home, I ate a snack and greeted my roommate who just returned from a month away. Then at 7 pm we had worship night outside in the prayer hut! So, I headed down for an incredible evening of singing, dancing and laying down soaking in His presence. That concludes one of my days here, which was last Wednesday, September 30th.

A Season of FIRSTS

I knew I was in for the adventure of a lifetime as I moved , but I didn’t expect soooooo many firsts in my first month of moving to South Africa! Hmmmmmm, where to start? Keep in mind that this list could be lots longer,  but I am not unfamiliar with foreign living as I spent 3 ½ months in India, a month in Italy, Mozambique and 3 months in Africa before and I have travelled other places as well. However, this is my first time to OFFICIALLY to move overseas…

Meet Nico! =)

I guess they eat these,
it's HUGE!

In the first few weeks of being here… I showered with a frog, I encountered a grasshopper as big as my palm, our dog, Nico manages to eat the avocadoes that fall from our tree before we can, Nico had a dead rat in his mouth, I visited the hospital nearly daily to pray, I began driving on the left-side of the road (I still sometimes go to the wrong side of the car to drive), we successfully threw a surprise Bridal shower for a dear friend, I attended a training to be a foster parent, Jesus provided finances for me to buy a car here (hallelujah!!!!) and a majority of nights with minimal sleep (at first excitement, then pain). This is just to name a few! =)

Meet Fearless, the Frog!

In the last week, my firsts included: having to lay in the bed for so many hours a day (this was for two weeks), being admitted to the hospital for the first time in my life, I had my first IV,  being asked several times – “Are you sure you aren’t pregnant?,” my first cat scan, stayed the night in the hospital ,  bright lights being turned on between 4-5 am with no warning to take my blood pressure, being asked to shower at 5 in the morning so I would be clean for the doctor and possibly facing my first major surgery and losing an organ! I am sure this list could go on…

This is Teisa, my base director,
I am so thankful for her! She played the 
incredible role of Mom while I was 
at the hospital, truly, so Blessed by her 
JOY, sense of humor and Servant's Heart!

Cat scan or we prefer
to call this space training! :)

The most incredible FIRST would be that I experienced being physically healed by Jesus!! Many of you already know that I was in the hospital for 3 nights and was facing surgery with appendicitis. I came in showing all signs of it and in fact had already been in pain for over the last week, but we thought at first it was just flu or a bug. I had an upset tummy, fever, then cold chills/sweats, diarrhea and sore throat. All the signs of something quite normal that can happen when you adjust to a new culture, although even this doesn’t have to happen!! About 8 years earlier, I also had an appendicitis attack, however it resolved over night. The doctors said they rarely see this, but I got to go home and keep my appendix back then. This time, the doctors said that it is most likely NOT possible that that could happen again! I was praying as I really wanted to keep ALL my organs and many others back home were praying for me as well including many who visited me and prayed with me at the hospital. First miracle was that my blood results came back perfect with no signs of infection! This bought us some time as my appendix was not infected and about to burst! They discovered through an x-ray that I had a partial bowel obstruction in the upper abdomen, well, I had to go a lot! They hoped this would alleviate the pain, however, I continued to be in LOTS of pain. They had me on regular pain meds and even still, sometimes I would get excruciating sharp intense pains in my belly and still awakened in the night by the pain! Cat scan came back normal, however there was no viewing of my appendix. By the third morning, Wednesday, I woke up with JOY and PEACE, nothing had changed pain-wise and honestly it was my last pair of clean underwear, I felt like that was a sign. I also had a little energy as I had slept better that night, so I went outside in the morning for fresh air and to pray and read Philippians. It was there that I met the doctor, he was walking in, Truly, a divine set up! He was amazing and agreed not to just cut me, he wanted to just watch my pain, but I asked if I could watch my pain at home. He agreed,  I got to be DISCHARGED on strict orders that if my pain went to the intense sharp 10 type pains that I would contact him and book surgery!

It was indeed a miracle that he discharged me! So, I went home so excited to be in my own bed with the option to go out in nature, breathe fresh air and heal in my own space! The next two days I rested lots, still very exhausted with no energy and the pain continued so I was regularly on strong pain medicine. Friday night was the worst from 6 pm through the entire night, even the pain meds didn't stop the pain! In the morning, after going to the toilet, the pain stopped. I had the thought "it is finished!" The pain was gone, something that had been with me for over two weeks was finished. It has been four days now and I haven't had pain and I am sleeping at night. Energy is slowly returning and I am slowly adding different foods back to my diet! I AM HEALED, truly a MIRACLE! Thank you, Jesus!! And thank you for ALL who have been praying for me! I also want to thank my beautiful co-missionary roommates here at MCV, they LOVED me very well during this time! So Blessed!! =)

Then, oh then, your light will break out like the warm, golden rays of a rising sun: and your healing will quickly appear then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Eternal will follow and defend you. Then when you do call out, "My God, Where are You?" The Eternal One will answer, "I am here, I am here."

~Isaiah 58:8-9a

A Divine Set Up

I was in Switzerland last week for one week. I couldn't possibly have planned on my own what happened in Switzerland! Everyday included Divine encounters, connections and a revealing of the purpose of me being there! If I back up, I desired to go to Switzerland and dreamt of this while in Africa (end of 2014) as I made many close Swiss friends at my missions school! I felt a connection to Switzerland even back then. Anyway, it was in my heart to go possibly on my way to South Africa! I wasn't sure if this was my idea and I wanted to ensure that this was the Lord's timing! I wasn't getting clear guidance, so my wise mom suggested I throw out a fleece to God. I haven't really done this much, but I thought this was a great idea! I told God that if He wanted me to go to Switzerland, please have at least one of my two friends from Switzerland contact me! I had been in touch with both of them since Africa, but for one of my friends, we hadn't communicated for about a month and the other a couple of months! Two days later, my friend wrote a message to both of us! Then the other said, she has felt to write me in the last week and she wrote me some long messaged to catch up! I knew this was no coincidence to get messages from not one, but both! My heart leapt and I told them this story! They got so excited that I would be coming!!!

As you can see, it is very lush green filled with much grass and trees! It has cows all over, this felt so much like my home in Wisconsin! Of course, the landscape is much more hilly with beautiful mountains in the background. The cows wear cowbells that you hear as they walk about, this is so they can be found as they graze in the mountains! Church bells (glockenspiel) ring every hour sounding and feeling like I am in the middle of The Sound of Music! So romantic! It of course has many quaint shops and beautiful steeples and churches as well! There is much beauty to fall in love with as I love nature enjoy marveling at His creativity in creation!!

It became quite clear that although the natural beauty drew me in, the Lord brought me there, especially for one of my friends! He truly loves people/us more than anything else, 'tis amazing!! Actually, I had Holy moments with the 3 Harvest Iris friends I visited and rich connections with their friends and church family in Switzerland. In fact, Pastor Surprise who is an International speaker and leader for Iris that lives at the base I am at in South Africa has spoken in Switzerland at the church that I attended with my friends, so cool!

Back to my sweet friend, she got engaged a few months back shortly after returning from Africa at the beginning of this year. She is someone with an abundance of JOY, PEACE and LOVE and of course she has so much excitement for this upcoming wedding! At the same time though, she was quite busy, working full time, attending school, involved with church ministry and really not much time for herself, practically none! I can really relate in past years of my life. In fact, we have countless parallels in our life journeys! To give you a bit of a picture, here is a bit about my story, I always thought I had to say YES to anyone and everyone! I wanted to keep the peace and please people and I avoided conflict at all costs! In fact, I often feel the undertones of atmosphere if there is tension, sadness, anger, or any other kind of emotion; I wanted the atmosphere to be peaceful and I would do anything to keep it that way. I also carried the emotions of others in those high intensity emotional atmospheres attempting to shift things positively. I would attempt this by doing what I thought others wanted of me or asked of me, I would jump as high as people wanted, slap a smile on my face and just keep serving/giving!

Of course, I now know that one of my gifts and my friends also is to bring PEACE and JOY, but as you know, this isn't the way to offer these gifts! Living this way burned me out over time, this happened about 4 years ago. I had done everything "right" by man, but lacked joy, energy and life! It was then that I quit my job of 11 years and began a journey that I am still on of learning "to BE"! Most of my life, I had been a human doing, with a good heart nonetheless, but I hadn't learned to BE with me and seek the face of the One who created me and learn to see me how He saw me! This is a much different viewpoint! I am still learning much!! I also didn't know me, I had viewed myself through the lense of how I would affect others and chose to please them not knowing how to fully love myself. I had made an idol out of man! At the root of all of my actions was that I believed a lie that intoxicated my whole life, my belief was that other people and their feelings are more important than mine! This couldn't be more far from the Truth! Our gifts will fully blossom as I FULLY know in my heart how LOVED I am and of course the same for you, as you know how LOVED you are by Him, this changes all things! As we learn to BE and REST in Him, the unique gifts that He put within us will naturally flow, mixed in with JOY, PEACE and LOVE!

Jesus said the greatest commandment given is:

You must love the Lord your God with ALL your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor 

as yourself.' ~ Matthew 22: 37 - 39

So, what happens when we haven't encountered how He loves us and then I am not aligned with how the Creator of the universe who IS LOVE sees me? Well, then I don't yet know how to fully love Him, myself and I won't love others as He loves me or them either! Of course, I will not arrive,

we will not arrive, this is a beautiful lifelong journey we are on! We reflect the one whom we seek and I know that His thoughts, His love and creation are what I want to pursue and put my FAITH and HOPE! If you don't know this yet, it is okay, pray to Him, He can change things and love us more in a moment than others can in a lifetime!

So, I was brought to Switzerland to share what the Lord has been teaching me to her! The Lord is amazing, He changed my schedule and brought me to Switzerland because He loves her so much!! That is how He LOVES US, He will arrange anything and everything only to demonstrate His love for ONE person! Of course, He is so amazing that He works amazing blessings for me and others (including my friend's mom) also! Of course, my desire was only that I could save my friend some time and heartache with the wisdom that I have learned, many times the hard way! =) It was truly such a rich time! Intense too, her mom was not happy with her daughter's current life decisions and tension was building in the home. However, the Lord had another plan, He always does, His GRACE abounds so richly and changes everything including man's "plans!" She hadn't yet learned how to LOVE herself and see herself as a beautiful Daughter that doesn't need to look through the eyes of man and idolizing their importance or views, only seek Him and BE, He will do the rest!!

Practical tools that really have helped me set loving boundaries for myself and others has been many things including watching my mom grow and blossom as the Lord restored her value and voice from within that had been lost. Dann Farrelly's teachings on Brave Communication are amazing. Also, Danny Silk's book, Keep Your Love On and his podcasts called Loving on Purpose have been crucial in my own life. Danny has taught me so much! I began to learn that until I said NO, I couldn't properly say YES! That in order to be present for the person I am with and love them, I had to say NO to many other opportunities! I had to fight regret, fear of making the wrong choice and upsetting others and learning to trust my decision! I often wished that I were more than one place at once and not truly be in the moment where I am! I also have had to fight the lie that conflict is bad, that is not true and embrace the challenge that is ahead of me! Conflict is a gift where we have an opportunity to grow as iron sharpens iron, however, there is a loving way to speak my voice and hold a boundary keeping my love on! I learned that in order to love myself, I cannot be busy all the time giving and giving, I must make time to BE with Him and feel His love and understand how He sees me! Only then can I love me the best and then a natural outpouring of LOVE will flow to others!! There is so much more I could say here, but that will be for another day!

The beautiful thing is that my friend had been praying for tools, she knew that she aligned to others and couldn't properly find her own voice and the desires that are within her. She prayed for tools and then the Lord brought me there! She was hungry and ready, she took notes of things that I said, she immediately put them into practice. The joy was leaving her as she was feeling overwhelmed and confused in her life. By the end of the week, she said that the JOY had come back and she hadn't felt this way for some time! Also, her mom began to have more grace and eyes to see even the ways that she had modeled this to her daughter and the lies she believed in her own life.The glory goes to the Lord, He knew she needed some love and wisdom from our fellow body, in the end He gave me new wisdom and tools as I shared with her, so amazing!!

He knew the desires of my friend's heart and made a way, this reminds me of Romans 8: 27 - 28

God, the searcher of the heart, knows fully our longings, yet he also understands the desires of the Spirit, because the Holy Spirit (Counselor) passionately pleads before God for us, his holy ones, in perfect harmony with God's plan and our destiny. So we are convinced that every detail of our lives is continually woven together to fit into God's perfect plan of bringing good into our lives, for we are his lovers who have been called to fulfill his designed purpose.