What is a Honeymoon Anyway?

I have been in South Africa for 10 weeks now… I wouldn’t change any part of my time here thus far! Well, there are a few mistakes that I made that would be great to redo and I will get a chance to do that! =) I know that there is grace in mistakes and that I can learn from my mistakes, so even those are a gift and I do get to redo them when I learn from my mistakes and apply what I learned the next time! Such redemption!!!

I would be lying if I said it has been a walk in the park… Truly, though, the Faithfulness of Jesus and His goodness has overshadowed every challenging thing that has come my way! I have heard several times, “Enjoy this time right now, it is your honeymoon!” or “You are just in your honeymoon phase!” My question is what is a honeymoon? I know what Hollywood says… That it is all roses and rainbows filled with walks on a sandy beach, happiness galore and incredible places to dine! 

As nice is that sounds, that surely isn’t my definition of a honeymoon! Those things can most definitely be included in a honeymoon and I know incredible moments and times will happen, but what about awkward silences or talking over each other, even interrupting each other in the midst of dialogue or stepping on each others toes literally as you learn to dance together? Or what about the first moment you realize that the way you wanted to spend your honeymoon with no plan and the other person desperately wants to plan out every moment of the day or the moment that you want to relax and be served for dinner and the other wants you to cook a meal (expectations) and that leads to your first conflict…

This is ALL possible indeed! And there was a time in my life that the latter stuff would have terrified me, conflict used to terrify me, but now, I see it is a gift, arguing isn’t the point, but a conflict is an opportunity and invitation to grow! In the midst of conflict, we have an opportunity to seek understanding acknowledging differences rather than pursuing right or wrong! We also can learn how to love and celebrate our differences as a beautiful thing, including many other gifts such as laying down your preference for another, compromising for the greater good or agreeing to disagree and being okay with that!

So, again, I ask, what is a honeymoon to you? Maybe I should ask people when they tell me that I am in my honeymoon season and to enjoy it, what are they actually trying to say? I know that we as humans are guilty of idealizing things so easily and the media/Hollywood are for sure apart of the problem, but I have seen too many struggles that people have and I myself have had to idealize that me stepping into the next steps of my destiny was going to be pristine and beautiful without any blemish or thorns!! It would be like me seeing the rose in front of me without its thorns or seeing the rainbow without having the downpour of rain! Don’t get me wrong, I am totally guilty at moments of this thinking, but I am telling you, it is not true and we don’t have to be blindsided or worry when struggles or difficulties come! It is a FULL package and the rose is beautiful with the thorns! He wants to meet us in our struggle when the thorns of life come or the rain that feels like we are about to be washed away. The Father isn’t worried, pacing the floor or biting His nails when mistakes or messy things happen or we caused messy things to ourselves and others, however, He is waiting to see if we will turn our gaze towards Him!

Surely, there is a glimmer in the New, it is AWESOME here and I see the beauty in the people I meet, the staff I get to work alongside and the beautiful children that I get to hold and interact with here! I also see the challenges and the imperfections both in myself and others, but I choose not to focus on that! I know there is mundane in life and that it will be my job to steward the beauty in the mundane even when I don’t see or feel changes are happening. Of course the mundane moments will come, but if I can STAY the course and pursue the One that is worthy and gaze into His face, He will continue to reveal the beauty that He made ALL around me in the faces I see, in the nature and animals that He created, in the sunrises and sunsets that He paints daily for my enjoyment!! It is actually difficult for me to NOT see the Newness of Him each day as I look around me!

Since I have been here, many things have happened! It has been a fight with my physical body pretty much non-stop! In fact, the first two months here, I had just as many sleepless nights as nights I slept, due to adrenalin excitement when I first got here and then intense pain that would wake me up and keep me awake in the night! I am sleeping now through the night, Hallelujah! =) As most of you know, I had more than a month straight of pain from my appendix, I was hospitalized for 3 nights nearly facing surgery to get my appendix removed, thank the Lord that I was healed and didn’t have to have surgery! I spent days, even weeks where a good part or all of my day was spent in bed with minimal social outlets (if you know me, you know that that is hard!!). I have had several bouts of diarrhea including food poisoning recently. About 3 weeks before I arrived in early August, my lower back was so bad that I couldn’t walk, I have had back pain on and off and am still dealing with that, it seems that I have a pinched nerve and currently, it sends shooting pains down my right leg when I move it in a funky way or ride in a bumpy road or even sometimes when I am walking. I KNOW I AM HEALED, IT WAS FINISHED ON THE CROSS!! There is no doubt in my mind about that, I know there is a little enemy who wants me to be discouraged, but I know the Victor, Jesus and His spirit lives inside of me! I also am living with 3 roommates, who are amazing and lovely, we are learning how to live life together intimately and certainly run into our own bumps as we are still getting to know each other and what it looks like to Love each other best in intimate community! Also, I found out a week ago by reading my brother’s post on FaceBook that my 93 year-old grandpa passed away! Only now am I beginning to grieve the fact that a loved one is gone and I am across the world without my family and pondering the preciousness of each of our lives and am reminded of beholding the beauty of each breathe and moment we have!

I don’t say any of this for a pity party, I am Blessed beyond belief and I have the JOY of the Lord and it IS indeed my strength! This is my honeymoon and it has been an incredible journey! I could tell you WAY more testimonies of His goodness than my list of challenges since I have been here, it is overwhelming what He has done in 10 weeks! Seriously, I couldn’t have orchestrated it if I tried! I have so many beautiful relationships, I truly feel at home here and that I have a family that I am apart of! Some of the girls in our family are struggling and I have gotten to build relationships with them and pour out His love and connect to them in unique ways and allow them to just talk and feel heard and understood!

He has opened the door for me to go to the hospital (a desire that was on my heart for several years now) and pray for people and bring some of our older girls and watch them love on the next generation as they hold little babies! It melts my heart each week we go to see the girls love on them!
The Lord has provided the financing for a car (through a generous family that said YES to Him) and He provided the perfect car, which I didn’t even go looking for!! This allows me much more freedom as we live in a rural area where a car is necessary to engage in the greater community. The testimonies go on and on…

There is nothing more Amazing than doing what you were made to do and at the moment, I know that I am walking out what I was called to do! I LOVE my life, even the challenges and hard days have given me profound gifts! This is only the honeymoon of what is yet to come and I am expectant for more! A honeymoon is just the beginning of a journey, it is a starting point with beautiful Newness and toes being stepped on as you don’t know what you don’t know when you begin the New; it will be filled with excitement and mistakes, all of this is beautiful and is part of journey!!

A Day in My Life...

One of the interesting and exciting things about living in South Africa is we are Blessed with many resources and it feels first world at times! However, at any point, you never know when it will feel and turn 3rd world. South Africa is this amazing place that has some infrastructure especially in the cities and yet, you may encounter a very 3rd world feeling within the cities and often, the minute you go rural, it feels like you are in 3rd world Africa (like we imagine and see on the TV), lots of red dirt and many people living in tiny tiny house with or without roofs and people lacking food and sleeping on the ground.

I know many of you might wonder what my days look like, it is very difficult to say as everyday looks totally different, so I thought I would give you the play by play of one of my days here. Sunrise is about 5:30 in the morning, I often wake up between 5-6ish. I love to read my Bible, pray in the morning, sometimes listen to music, then make tea and eat breakfast. This particular day, I had some admin work to do on the business plan for the upcoming year. So, I went to the admin office to work on that. Then, a social worker showed up to do his monthly check in and review our files on the kids and make sure things are up to snuff. So, I got trained on what that looks like, he basically asks the same questions each month and makes sure he is up to date!

After he left, Teisa, my base director and I decided to head to a nice cafe to do our admin work while enjoying a smoothie, so that is what we did! We thought we would spend a couple hours there. However after an hour I got a message that a boy, let's call him, Peter, a 16 year old, who has been very sick at the hospital was released. I had visited him and prayed with him a couple times at the hospital. So, we agreed to pick Peter up, this was at 11 in the morning. No problem,  so we leave right away and head to the hospital. When we get there, we find out that he is at the hospital pharmacy getting his medicine. He was in a line for who knows how long, it is a public hospital, so it is free, but that means that they can wait up to 6 hours to get their medicine. After he gets his medicine, he must go back to his hospital room to get discharge papers and more specifics on after care. Clearly, we didn't need to rush to the hospital, but we were thinking in our western mindset. So, I gave him my phone number and told him to call me when he was ready and that I would come and get him.

Teisa and I then headed to her house to relieve her babysitter for her daughter, we then went to town to do a few errands buying stuff for our base and to get a few things to welcome back a missionary that had been gone for a month! =) I also picked up some snacks and a requested favorite food for Peter. It was then that I got the call that he was ready to be picked up around 2 pm. Teisa dropped me off so I could get the truck to pick him up. It was then that my pain started as the whole appendix thing was still bothering me. At this moment, I haven't had pain for 2 days, but it has been quite a month of dealing with my appendix and pain! I was ready to lay down for a rest! So, we prayed for GRACE and I went on my way to pick him up.

Oh, I was supposed to start something new this afternoon called "Music and Movement" with our children, incorporating singing, dancing and just a fun time to move your body. However, this will now start next week since this important matter came up of picking up Peter at the hospital.

When I got there, it was about 3:15 pm, the nurse went through his medicine with me, he literally had 7 kinds of medicine, keep in mind he is very sick and looks incredibly skinny and really is in no place to be tracking all this stuff! He lives with his granny and 5 siblings, they sleep on the floor in their little place. The medicine was overwhelming, some twice a day, some once a day, some with food and another must be before food! So, I began to draw pictures on each of the medicines to help him keep track of it all. I was ready to take him home and he just sat in the hospital room (there are 4 other men in the hospital room as well), one guy was naked, I didn't mean to look as I didn't know he was naked!! Oops! Anyway, Peter just sat there. When I asked if we should go, he said, no, my granny is coming. I was confused as he knew I would take him home. I asked more questions and he said he doesn't have pants and has to wait for his granny to bring pants. I was sure that he could just wear his hospital scrubs and then I could bring them back. So, I went and asked the nurse if I could take him home and bring back the pants. She said, no, the security at the gate will not allow us to leave if he has the pants on.

Sooooo... we wait for his granny to bring him pants. While waiting, I am messaging our team that have been praying for him and visiting him in the hospital keeping them up to date on the discharge, the meds he has to take, etc... We are also arranging to bring mattresses to his house, so Peter and the children will not have to sleep on the floor. We don't know if there will be room for them or not though. We sit outside enjoying the fresh air, we chat a bit, I give him some snacks and the food I brought him. Peter's native tongue is South African Saswati, this language comes out of Swaziland, but also mixes Africaans (kinds of close to Dutch) words as well. He speaks some English, I have to speak slowly and very simple English. Over the next few hours, Peter calls her several times and she says she is looking for a car, so I wait with him at the hospital. His granny arrives around dusk, it is about 5:40 pm. She thanks me several times, so happy and thankful that I was with him, she hugs me at least 3 times as well. It was great to meet her, I confirm that I will visit them soon and then I drive home.

I was thankful to have grace for this extended adventure. Needless to say, I was exhausted when I got home, I ate a snack and greeted my roommate who just returned from a month away. Then at 7 pm we had worship night outside in the prayer hut! So, I headed down for an incredible evening of singing, dancing and laying down soaking in His presence. That concludes one of my days here, which was last Wednesday, September 30th.

A Season of FIRSTS

I knew I was in for the adventure of a lifetime as I moved , but I didn’t expect soooooo many firsts in my first month of moving to South Africa! Hmmmmmm, where to start? Keep in mind that this list could be lots longer,  but I am not unfamiliar with foreign living as I spent 3 ½ months in India, a month in Italy, Mozambique and 3 months in Africa before and I have travelled other places as well. However, this is my first time to OFFICIALLY to move overseas…

Meet Nico! =)

I guess they eat these,
it's HUGE!

In the first few weeks of being here… I showered with a frog, I encountered a grasshopper as big as my palm, our dog, Nico manages to eat the avocadoes that fall from our tree before we can, Nico had a dead rat in his mouth, I visited the hospital nearly daily to pray, I began driving on the left-side of the road (I still sometimes go to the wrong side of the car to drive), we successfully threw a surprise Bridal shower for a dear friend, I attended a training to be a foster parent, Jesus provided finances for me to buy a car here (hallelujah!!!!) and a majority of nights with minimal sleep (at first excitement, then pain). This is just to name a few! =)

Meet Fearless, the Frog!

In the last week, my firsts included: having to lay in the bed for so many hours a day (this was for two weeks), being admitted to the hospital for the first time in my life, I had my first IV,  being asked several times – “Are you sure you aren’t pregnant?,” my first cat scan, stayed the night in the hospital ,  bright lights being turned on between 4-5 am with no warning to take my blood pressure, being asked to shower at 5 in the morning so I would be clean for the doctor and possibly facing my first major surgery and losing an organ! I am sure this list could go on…

This is Teisa, my base director,
I am so thankful for her! She played the 
incredible role of Mom while I was 
at the hospital, truly, so Blessed by her 
JOY, sense of humor and Servant's Heart!

Cat scan or we prefer
to call this space training! :)

The most incredible FIRST would be that I experienced being physically healed by Jesus!! Many of you already know that I was in the hospital for 3 nights and was facing surgery with appendicitis. I came in showing all signs of it and in fact had already been in pain for over the last week, but we thought at first it was just flu or a bug. I had an upset tummy, fever, then cold chills/sweats, diarrhea and sore throat. All the signs of something quite normal that can happen when you adjust to a new culture, although even this doesn’t have to happen!! About 8 years earlier, I also had an appendicitis attack, however it resolved over night. The doctors said they rarely see this, but I got to go home and keep my appendix back then. This time, the doctors said that it is most likely NOT possible that that could happen again! I was praying as I really wanted to keep ALL my organs and many others back home were praying for me as well including many who visited me and prayed with me at the hospital. First miracle was that my blood results came back perfect with no signs of infection! This bought us some time as my appendix was not infected and about to burst! They discovered through an x-ray that I had a partial bowel obstruction in the upper abdomen, well, I had to go a lot! They hoped this would alleviate the pain, however, I continued to be in LOTS of pain. They had me on regular pain meds and even still, sometimes I would get excruciating sharp intense pains in my belly and still awakened in the night by the pain! Cat scan came back normal, however there was no viewing of my appendix. By the third morning, Wednesday, I woke up with JOY and PEACE, nothing had changed pain-wise and honestly it was my last pair of clean underwear, I felt like that was a sign. I also had a little energy as I had slept better that night, so I went outside in the morning for fresh air and to pray and read Philippians. It was there that I met the doctor, he was walking in, Truly, a divine set up! He was amazing and agreed not to just cut me, he wanted to just watch my pain, but I asked if I could watch my pain at home. He agreed,  I got to be DISCHARGED on strict orders that if my pain went to the intense sharp 10 type pains that I would contact him and book surgery!

It was indeed a miracle that he discharged me! So, I went home so excited to be in my own bed with the option to go out in nature, breathe fresh air and heal in my own space! The next two days I rested lots, still very exhausted with no energy and the pain continued so I was regularly on strong pain medicine. Friday night was the worst from 6 pm through the entire night, even the pain meds didn't stop the pain! In the morning, after going to the toilet, the pain stopped. I had the thought "it is finished!" The pain was gone, something that had been with me for over two weeks was finished. It has been four days now and I haven't had pain and I am sleeping at night. Energy is slowly returning and I am slowly adding different foods back to my diet! I AM HEALED, truly a MIRACLE! Thank you, Jesus!! And thank you for ALL who have been praying for me! I also want to thank my beautiful co-missionary roommates here at MCV, they LOVED me very well during this time! So Blessed!! =)

Then, oh then, your light will break out like the warm, golden rays of a rising sun: and your healing will quickly appear then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Eternal will follow and defend you. Then when you do call out, "My God, Where are You?" The Eternal One will answer, "I am here, I am here."

~Isaiah 58:8-9a

A Divine Set Up

I was in Switzerland last week for one week. I couldn't possibly have planned on my own what happened in Switzerland! Everyday included Divine encounters, connections and a revealing of the purpose of me being there! If I back up, I desired to go to Switzerland and dreamt of this while in Africa (end of 2014) as I made many close Swiss friends at my missions school! I felt a connection to Switzerland even back then. Anyway, it was in my heart to go possibly on my way to South Africa! I wasn't sure if this was my idea and I wanted to ensure that this was the Lord's timing! I wasn't getting clear guidance, so my wise mom suggested I throw out a fleece to God. I haven't really done this much, but I thought this was a great idea! I told God that if He wanted me to go to Switzerland, please have at least one of my two friends from Switzerland contact me! I had been in touch with both of them since Africa, but for one of my friends, we hadn't communicated for about a month and the other a couple of months! Two days later, my friend wrote a message to both of us! Then the other said, she has felt to write me in the last week and she wrote me some long messaged to catch up! I knew this was no coincidence to get messages from not one, but both! My heart leapt and I told them this story! They got so excited that I would be coming!!!

As you can see, it is very lush green filled with much grass and trees! It has cows all over, this felt so much like my home in Wisconsin! Of course, the landscape is much more hilly with beautiful mountains in the background. The cows wear cowbells that you hear as they walk about, this is so they can be found as they graze in the mountains! Church bells (glockenspiel) ring every hour sounding and feeling like I am in the middle of The Sound of Music! So romantic! It of course has many quaint shops and beautiful steeples and churches as well! There is much beauty to fall in love with as I love nature enjoy marveling at His creativity in creation!!

It became quite clear that although the natural beauty drew me in, the Lord brought me there, especially for one of my friends! He truly loves people/us more than anything else, 'tis amazing!! Actually, I had Holy moments with the 3 Harvest Iris friends I visited and rich connections with their friends and church family in Switzerland. In fact, Pastor Surprise who is an International speaker and leader for Iris that lives at the base I am at in South Africa has spoken in Switzerland at the church that I attended with my friends, so cool!

Back to my sweet friend, she got engaged a few months back shortly after returning from Africa at the beginning of this year. She is someone with an abundance of JOY, PEACE and LOVE and of course she has so much excitement for this upcoming wedding! At the same time though, she was quite busy, working full time, attending school, involved with church ministry and really not much time for herself, practically none! I can really relate in past years of my life. In fact, we have countless parallels in our life journeys! To give you a bit of a picture, here is a bit about my story, I always thought I had to say YES to anyone and everyone! I wanted to keep the peace and please people and I avoided conflict at all costs! In fact, I often feel the undertones of atmosphere if there is tension, sadness, anger, or any other kind of emotion; I wanted the atmosphere to be peaceful and I would do anything to keep it that way. I also carried the emotions of others in those high intensity emotional atmospheres attempting to shift things positively. I would attempt this by doing what I thought others wanted of me or asked of me, I would jump as high as people wanted, slap a smile on my face and just keep serving/giving!

Of course, I now know that one of my gifts and my friends also is to bring PEACE and JOY, but as you know, this isn't the way to offer these gifts! Living this way burned me out over time, this happened about 4 years ago. I had done everything "right" by man, but lacked joy, energy and life! It was then that I quit my job of 11 years and began a journey that I am still on of learning "to BE"! Most of my life, I had been a human doing, with a good heart nonetheless, but I hadn't learned to BE with me and seek the face of the One who created me and learn to see me how He saw me! This is a much different viewpoint! I am still learning much!! I also didn't know me, I had viewed myself through the lense of how I would affect others and chose to please them not knowing how to fully love myself. I had made an idol out of man! At the root of all of my actions was that I believed a lie that intoxicated my whole life, my belief was that other people and their feelings are more important than mine! This couldn't be more far from the Truth! Our gifts will fully blossom as I FULLY know in my heart how LOVED I am and of course the same for you, as you know how LOVED you are by Him, this changes all things! As we learn to BE and REST in Him, the unique gifts that He put within us will naturally flow, mixed in with JOY, PEACE and LOVE!

Jesus said the greatest commandment given is:

You must love the Lord your God with ALL your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor 

as yourself.' ~ Matthew 22: 37 - 39

So, what happens when we haven't encountered how He loves us and then I am not aligned with how the Creator of the universe who IS LOVE sees me? Well, then I don't yet know how to fully love Him, myself and I won't love others as He loves me or them either! Of course, I will not arrive,

we will not arrive, this is a beautiful lifelong journey we are on! We reflect the one whom we seek and I know that His thoughts, His love and creation are what I want to pursue and put my FAITH and HOPE! If you don't know this yet, it is okay, pray to Him, He can change things and love us more in a moment than others can in a lifetime!

So, I was brought to Switzerland to share what the Lord has been teaching me to her! The Lord is amazing, He changed my schedule and brought me to Switzerland because He loves her so much!! That is how He LOVES US, He will arrange anything and everything only to demonstrate His love for ONE person! Of course, He is so amazing that He works amazing blessings for me and others (including my friend's mom) also! Of course, my desire was only that I could save my friend some time and heartache with the wisdom that I have learned, many times the hard way! =) It was truly such a rich time! Intense too, her mom was not happy with her daughter's current life decisions and tension was building in the home. However, the Lord had another plan, He always does, His GRACE abounds so richly and changes everything including man's "plans!" She hadn't yet learned how to LOVE herself and see herself as a beautiful Daughter that doesn't need to look through the eyes of man and idolizing their importance or views, only seek Him and BE, He will do the rest!!

Practical tools that really have helped me set loving boundaries for myself and others has been many things including watching my mom grow and blossom as the Lord restored her value and voice from within that had been lost. Dann Farrelly's teachings on Brave Communication are amazing. Also, Danny Silk's book, Keep Your Love On and his podcasts called Loving on Purpose have been crucial in my own life. Danny has taught me so much! I began to learn that until I said NO, I couldn't properly say YES! That in order to be present for the person I am with and love them, I had to say NO to many other opportunities! I had to fight regret, fear of making the wrong choice and upsetting others and learning to trust my decision! I often wished that I were more than one place at once and not truly be in the moment where I am! I also have had to fight the lie that conflict is bad, that is not true and embrace the challenge that is ahead of me! Conflict is a gift where we have an opportunity to grow as iron sharpens iron, however, there is a loving way to speak my voice and hold a boundary keeping my love on! I learned that in order to love myself, I cannot be busy all the time giving and giving, I must make time to BE with Him and feel His love and understand how He sees me! Only then can I love me the best and then a natural outpouring of LOVE will flow to others!! There is so much more I could say here, but that will be for another day!

The beautiful thing is that my friend had been praying for tools, she knew that she aligned to others and couldn't properly find her own voice and the desires that are within her. She prayed for tools and then the Lord brought me there! She was hungry and ready, she took notes of things that I said, she immediately put them into practice. The joy was leaving her as she was feeling overwhelmed and confused in her life. By the end of the week, she said that the JOY had come back and she hadn't felt this way for some time! Also, her mom began to have more grace and eyes to see even the ways that she had modeled this to her daughter and the lies she believed in her own life.The glory goes to the Lord, He knew she needed some love and wisdom from our fellow body, in the end He gave me new wisdom and tools as I shared with her, so amazing!!

He knew the desires of my friend's heart and made a way, this reminds me of Romans 8: 27 - 28

God, the searcher of the heart, knows fully our longings, yet he also understands the desires of the Spirit, because the Holy Spirit (Counselor) passionately pleads before God for us, his holy ones, in perfect harmony with God's plan and our destiny. So we are convinced that every detail of our lives is continually woven together to fit into God's perfect plan of bringing good into our lives, for we are his lovers who have been called to fulfill his designed purpose.

Process...

This word has caused me MANY trials and struggles in my life! Not really the word itself, but this concept and the walking it out!! And yet, it is this very key ingredient that gives value to anything that I have to offer the world today!!

When we were babes, no one thought twice as we learned to walk and we fell often bumping our heads, this was perfectly normal! In fact, if there weren't falls and bonks, I think heads would turn and people might be more concerned! Yet, as we grow older, it seems that we (well, I guess I should speak for myself) and say that I can easily forget the JOURNEY!!

A very wise lady once told me at work, at a time that I was highly frustrated to "Let go of the outcome!!" Ha! It is so easy to say, she was my assigned work mentor at the time, I have never forgotten this statement! I know other people say "Enjoy the Journey," "Stop and Smell the Roses" or "Let go and let God"! The former saying helps me the most, it gives me an action for the very thing I have been trained to focus on! Outcomes and goals are a beautiful thing, yet, just like any great Kingdom wisdom, there is catch! Maybe more fitting is a paradox! This is of course why Jesus, the King, came as a helpless babe riding on a donkey and He was born in Nazareth, Nethanael clearly noted that nothing good could possibly come out of Nazareth! Our wise minds are confounded ALL the time because indeed His ways are not our ways!

The paradox is of course that God is in the process and that is part of His plan for us!


See the picture of "Your plan" is smooth sailing and although appealing, we don't really need God here! Sure, he may have supplied the bike (vehicle), but we basically got it from there. There are few moments where character is built (persistence is necessary), no moments where I truly in desperation must call out to Him, my faith isn't engaged trusting for the greater and well, compassion for myself and others is gained as I pass through the valleys of this life!
The visual reminds me of Psalm 84:5-7:

Blessed are those whose strength is in you whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.
     As they pass through the Valley of Baka, they make it a place of springs;
         the autumn rains also cover it with pools. They go from strength 
                    to strength till each appears before God in Zion.

Isn't it great that we pass through valleys, yet we don't have to stay there?!

Process is a seven letter word, the number seven means completion! I am learning to engage with Him in the process knowing that He will complete ALL things that He wants accomplished in His perfect plan as I continually yield and say YES to Him! Lord, help me to say YES to process and LET GO of the OUTCOMES in my life!!!

BELIEVE!

I am currently in a season of waiting, doors have even closed in my current situation and I am left with more questions than answers. Don't get me wrong, I have so MUCH to be thankful for, I am a favored daughter and am highly blessed by the Lord! I can't let the unknown take away my gratitude for life all the way down to my very breath that I have been given! 

The very topic of faith is the simplest and most important part of our journey!! We are simply asked to BELIEVE!!! In the midst of this season of waiting, doubts and fears creep in only to poke at my belief and cause me to question Jesus and His promises! The tactics of the enemy of course are me to question my purpose and His promises, so that I don't move forward (stealing and killing my destiny).

My question today is Who are you believing right now in your situation, in your life and circumstances? In other words, where is your faith? Jesus said, IT IS FINISHED!!! He said it is done, the promises have been fulfilled, I have come that you might have life abundantly. All we have to do is say YES to Him and simply believe! Am I believing the One who has given ALL or am I believing the little voices, even thoughts that lie to me and tell me that I am not worthy or this is impossible or just simply that I can't do it!

Jesus' highest compliment in all of scripture was to a centurion who called upon Jesus to heal a servant who was paralyzed and in agony. This was Jesus' response to this officer.

10 Jesus was stunned by the depth of the officer’s faith.

Jesus (to His followers): This is the plain truth: I have not met a single person in Israel with as much faith as this officer. 11 It will not be just the children of Abraham and Isaac and Jacob who celebrate at their heavenly banquet at the end of time. No, people will come from the East and the West—and those who recognize Me, regardless of their lineage, will sit with Me at that feast. 12 But those who have feigned their faith will be cast out into outer darkness where people weep and grind their teeth.

13 Then Jesus turned to the Centurion.[a]

Jesus: You may go home. For it is as you say it is; it is as you believe. And the officer’s servant was healed, right then.

I'll be honest, lately, I think I have doubted more than I have had faith. The great thing is, Jesus isn't afraid of your emotions and doubts, He asks that we cast our cares on Him, which naturally involves a relationship with Him where we talk to Him and surrender our cares to Him. Oh how He waits and longs for us to dialogue with Him... He understands and wants to carry them and give you His faith (and so much more), the kind of faith that never parishes! I am learning just how little and small I am, in fact, I am a cracked pot with no value without Him. However, my Father in heaven is capable of ALL things, if He can cause water to come out of rocks, how much more will He bless His beloved Sons and Daughters!

Today, I choose to BELIEVE and stand firmly planted in Him the author and finisher of my life!! He will use your cracked pot to grow and make possible things that you never imagined!! :)

Why Dancing?

As I worshiped one day, caught up in His joy and filled with possibility, I had this beautiful thought about Dancing on Water...

I knew this wasn't really my idea, but His! I am just thankful that I was tuned in at that moment! What a brilliant idea, dancing, spinning, twirling, even a curtsy on the water! Why not?! Peter walked on water, but that is just the beginning of what is possible!

In John 14:12, Jesus says:
Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.

I don't know about you, but this is really exciting news to me! I know there are many many more things that Jesus did that are not recorded in scripture, but nonetheless, He says that we are equipped for greater!! I know that I will be exploring this truth for the rest of my life!! I am totally guilty of limiting Him, my limited thinking gets in the way altogether too often! I don't want to do that anymore! I realize this is humanity and it will happen, but the greater is possible, for those who believe! That is what it says...

So, I guess I have to ask myself, what am I going to believe, my mind's limited thinking, which often has to add up and make sense or am I going to believe Him for the greater, which must include my mustard seed of faith?! Please understand that I am not criticizing our God given minds we have as they are a gift and we are meant to use them!!! However, we cannot put our logic on God, it doesn't work that way! We can use our minds and apply incredible logic to solve amazing problems, indeed, He gets the glory in the end! Does it make sense the Jesus spat on a blind man and He was FULLY healed?! And yet...

In Hebrews 11:1, it says:
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Wow, I didn't mean to get all theological here, but I did! All this to say, that I want to fully put my faith in the things NOT seen and seek the greater, even the things that I don't yet understand! Lord, forgive me for putting my logic and limited thinking on you, I don't have your mind, I am asking for a renewing of my mind to see things more and more as you do!! I desire an increase in faith, so that I can be one that is ... Dancing on Water!!!

Africa to be continued...

Many have wondered what will I do from here now that I have graduated from the Iris Missions School. The question, "Now what?" or "What's next?" comes up VERY often! This is a great question, but it comes with much thought and sometimes hesitation on my part to answer immediately. Recently, the Father has been teaching me about enjoying the present moment and soaking in ALL that He taught me this past season! I am enjoying the process He is taking me through, teaching me how not to live in an outcome mindset!! And mostly, He is teaching me more about seeking Him in relationship and that it is out of my relationship with Him that all things will unfold in His timing!

Nevertheless, I am excited to share with you curious minds and beautiful hearts; all you who shared in this journey with me, what indeed the next season of my life will entail!

Well, the answer to this question is an incredible story, but alas, it is quite LONG! It involves a beautifully Divine day, which began with the discovery that I had lost my wallet, a painful realization. It nearly forced me to rearrange my whole day to try and recover it! It was my final day in South Africa before heading to Mozambique. It was a Sunday, my original plan and desire was to go to church and now I was left debating what I should do with my day. I was considering canceling going to church to focus on finding my wallet when I had this clear thought come to mind, if you don't go to church, you will let the enemy steal from you! This wasn't an ordinary thought and I knew it was a holy moment! So, with no more thought or hesitation, I decided to go to church. The rest is history as a series of His hand beautifully arranged my day that ultimately uncovered His plan for what I would do next...

I ended up spending a greater part of the afternoon with the base director of the Iris base in Nelspruit, South Africa. She asked me if I would consider coming back to that base and collaborate with their Children's Village and pioneer starting a special needs home. My heart leapt with joy, excitement of this possibility! There are many other intersecting factors that clearly demonstrated that He was indeed in the middle of this as I looked back at the many key relationships I had built in South Africa including people I met a year ago in Mozambique that are involved at this Iris base! Those people were put in my life for a reason!

I haven't told many people about a prayer that I had been seeking with God regarding the many years I have worked with children with autism and special needs/mental health diagnosis and wondering what that had to do with my life in the future! I knew I had learned much and am very thankful for ALL that I had learned. However, I felt sorta done with the system of the states with many hoops to jump through limiting the time for me to do the very thing I loved to do the most, which was engage with the child and empower and collaborate with the parents!! I knew He had a purpose and I wondered what it was all about! And then, this opportunity literally landed in my lap in the midst of my Missions school, I was so in awe of His strategic plan and purpose!

You might ask, what happened with the lost wallet?!? At the end of this extraordinary day, the base director, Teisa was going to the mall and I asked if I could go with! I had forgotten about my wallet up until that point! I went back to the place, I thought it was left and indeed it had been found! After 20 minutes of security men bringing it in a lockbox including very detailed questions, they gave me my wallet with everything in tact! This was a miracle too as South Africa is known for its crime, even a few friends had to cancel cards in South Africa due to fraudulent activity! 

I am so thankful for how he orchestrated this day, it reminds me of Proverbs 16:9:

     ~In their hearts humans plan their course, 
          but the Lord establishes their steps!